|WELL, Emily Sparks, your prayers were not wasted,|
|Your love was not all in vain.|
|I owe whatever I was in life|
|To your hope that would not give me up,|
|To your love that saw me still as good.||5|
|Dear Emily Sparks, let me tell you the story.|
|I pass the effect of my father and mother;|
|The milliner’s daughter made me trouble|
|And out I went in the world,|
|Where I passed through every peril known||10|
|Of wine and women and joy of life.|
|One night, in a room in the Rue de Rivoli,|
|I was drinking wine with a black-eyed cocotte,|
|And the tears swam into my eyes.|
|She thought they were amorous tears and smiled||15|
|For thought of her conquest over me.|
|But my soul was three thousand miles away,|
|In the days when you taught me in Spoon River.|
|And just because you no more could love me,|
|Nor pray for me, nor write me letters,||20|
|The eternal silence of you spoke instead.|
|And the black-eyed cocotte took the tears for hers,|
|As well as the deceiving kisses I gave her.|
|Somehow, from that hour, I had a new vision—|
|Dear Emily Sparks!|
There's no doubt that 'the wine and women and joy of life' Reuben Pantier (below) recounts is a death drive.
The way I've conceived of it comes from Klein, as projective identification. He identifies with death, which at the phallic stage is the death of his image ego and good reputation . He projects his restorative impulses into other altruists who would like to fix, save, or rescue him. At the same time all of his goodness is projected into the other too, which mirrors the egoist who identifies with perfection and projects all of his ego drive into the other.
... other than the objective counter-transference involved in recognizing one's impulse to want to help the other person vs. the feeling that one is a father-substitute and the patient's profanities and irreverence, for example, is making you want to censure him due to the patient's "getting off" of wanting to bring about castration anxiety from you... it's difficult to know what truly deserves the death drive label here...
With jouissance (getting off) there is a move towards tension and anxiety but Freud described the death drive as movement towards tensionlessness in its non-sadistic aspect...
In projective-identification to become perfection or death and no longer strive for glory or harmony the death drive seems to be most fully realized.