self-mourning

I've mentioned this some time back already, but I was talking to an acquaintance about it today and thought I'd share some of the context I gave her.

1. I've had patients who are addicts, who didn't have problems with drinking or drugs through their teenage years, and well into their adulthood. Then, they lost a person (or child) who was close to them, and they used every day. Loss of the beloved can become an ego injury that can resonate on such a deep level that the person can wants to through off all of their self-consciousness in order to just exist.

Expressed through culture, some of these people will literally talk about being angry with God for their loss and feel a rejection of all of His creation along with their rejection of Him.


2. The ego injury, which is the loss of ideal self, amounts to the person feeling like he "had it all" and, made a decision that resulted in him losing it and with extreme self-loathing, saying things like "what the fuck was I thinking." What he or she had, wasn't necessarily superlative. They were wealthier than average, but nothing special. However, what goes along with the wealth is also the potential for future growth that is imagined, and that they saw themselves as ethically good people too.

I can't say that I've heard any of them say anything about God, while it's common for patients to bring  Him up with their loss in love. A few times, however, they have shared the fantasy that their parents might not be their real parents.

Object altruism and hatred of the feminine

I have encountered many frustrated, passive-altruistic (OA) “nice guys” who talk about “finishing last” or who even pretend to themselves that they could be like the “assholes” who get the women but chose not to. Being a nice guy can become something that they learn to hate about themselves.  

In groups, if enough object altruists are present, this can turn into woman bashing, although it's a lot different than the subject egoist form. It's not out and out bashing, so much as frustration with women and why they would choose assholes and "be stupid". 

In ego and object drive parallelism, some of them also have resentment in their Bellerophon complex. They used to be ok with their sense of just belonging, but now they want to be stars, famous, or have a great success that is opposed to their inhibited character. Success is like getting a romantic partner and they "trash talk" those who are famous or who have success.   


Even though this parallel holds, a more concise example of hatred of the feminine in the ego drives comes with the idea that "women aren't funny" that many OA comedians express. As opposed to the SE blame of women for failures or representing them as evil, as causing their downfall, etc. The OA is able to often be a lot more cutting in their fault finding in women because of their empathy. Some comedians can sublimate this to show the "cute" idiosyncrasies in their wife, for example, but some are a lot more blatant about representing women as inferior.