self-mourning

I've mentioned this some time back already, but I was talking to an acquaintance about it today and thought I'd share some of the context I gave her.

1. I've had patients who are addicts, who didn't have problems with drinking or drugs through their teenage years, and well into their adulthood. Then, they lost a person (or child) who was close to them, and they used every day. Loss of the beloved can become an ego injury that can resonate on such a deep level that the person can wants to through off all of their self-consciousness in order to just exist.

Expressed through culture, some of these people will literally talk about being angry with God for their loss and feel a rejection of all of His creation along with their rejection of Him.


2. The ego injury, which is the loss of ideal self, amounts to the person feeling like he "had it all" and, made a decision that resulted in him losing it and with extreme self-loathing, saying things like "what the fuck was I thinking." What he or she had, wasn't necessarily superlative. They were wealthier than average, but nothing special. However, what goes along with the wealth is also the potential for future growth that is imagined, and that they saw themselves as ethically good people too.

I can't say that I've heard any of them say anything about God, while it's common for patients to bring  Him up with their loss in love. A few times, however, they have shared the fantasy that their parents might not be their real parents.