Another Love pt. 2

I remember when I was 13 or so that I went with a friend to meet one of his childhood friends. We go to where he was staying and I remember that I "was on" that night. This generally meant that I impressed myself with being clever and that whatever delight anyone else could have taken in my wit was overpowered by me dominating so much of the conversation that I was obnoxious at best.

I remember that our host stayed silent initially and that as he sometimes got up to go to the kitchen or use the bathroom that I had a distinct anticipations of him getting up or coming back to punch me. 

The volar (narcissistic stage) is where the 'reservoir of libido' is for the ego and object drives. Despite the lack of social hierarchy to provide measurement in the ego ideal there is still measurement in non-verbal indications of whether one gets attention, is deferred to, etc. that form an ego ideal 'reality principle'.

The wishing at this stage, whether it is magical and no longer referencing the non-verbal cues or not, is tied to the most fundamental relation to another person. This is where Fairbairn references that the schizoid individual, as the individual in superego defusion, does not want to give. His intellectual and emotional inner life is felt as precious and he or she will no longer give it to others. The reservoir of libido feels like it has run dry and he no longer has the excess energy to be liberal and, moreover, others don't deserve it... self-pity

The volar trito, when aggression and self-assertion joins the altruistic pole, references the next development when the giving, the loving is also tied to devouring and hurting those that one loves.