I had a patient that registered all the familiar features of the volar stage egoist. She has many friends but no friend. She has instant familiarity with the group facilitator and is one of those people who seem to treat everyone the same way (whether they are above or below them). She would question others about what they say to get information about their legal situation or see if they knew someone she did. She would sometimes offer advice or supply pertinent information to their situation but there was an impatience in her questioning, as if she just wanted you to get to the point or she would sometimes finish off what you were going to say to show that the point was received and that you could finish now. She didn't believe in emotions and would like to say that she didn't have any "feelings". She very baldly would express that she believed she could be perfect and asked who wouldn't want to work towards that.
We were able to get to a state in individual therapy where she could feel the choice between allowing herself to sink into the sensations of her body and feelings vs. being hyper-conscious. She came up with the metaphor that there was a monkey in her brain who was surrounded by filing cabinets but each drawer in the cabinet was endless and could open forever. The monkey did nothing but record information in files and that he would endlessly search through the files with his hands and she made the gesture to show it. She said that he did nothing else but that it didn't matter because he was like a robot. I tried to ask about who created him or put him there but she couldn't allow herself to explore more in this way.
The monkey was synthesized with her, of course, and she was able to articulate that she felt like she had to "outwit" others, she couldn't share her feelings with others because it would be used against her, and she would be seen as weak.
Her hands and feet were noticeably different than her arms and legs and looked dehydrated, veiny, and boney compared to the trunks they were a part of.
She didn't share any omnipotence of wishes in a straightforward way but instead, rather manically, expressed worry that if she surrendered in the work with me that she might lose the ability she had to walk into a room and have everyone like her in 10 minutes.
She had a quick intelligence and a near photographic memory.
The deutero adaptation allowed her to have intellectual gifts and live as a giant among humans who didn't need them most of the time.
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