be destroyed vs. destroy

I just sent this to Mike Eigen:

 

I wanted to tell you that I'm reading The Sensitive Self and that there are always great strings in your books for me to pull.

The idea of letting one's self be murdered in Bion and being able to be destructive to the object in Winnicott has been turning over in my head for days now.

For Bion's idea, I think of the criminals I work with who have idealized themselves at the expense of working jobs and competing with others in a fair way in society. Often times there is a fear of going to classes to get their GED with younger people and being judged or they find imperfections in their bosses or co-workers and will walk off a job. They feared normal competition and idealized the self and have to let that self be murdered so that they can have respect for others.

For Winnicott's I think of the people I see who are choking on the hate they have for a past boyfriend or girlfriend who treated them badly (sometimes its for God for letting things happen). They keep the other person idealized and highly responsible for what they did instead of being able to murder the idealized image and see them as more flawed, unfree, and weak.

 

-

Obviously this fits an egoist vs. altruist binary.