Friday, March 14, 2014

My Bellerophon complex.

I had a dream:

I'm driving my father's old work truck and return with it to what seems like a construction site. I park the truck (maybe in an area that is too nice because its an old, dirty work truck). My brother arrives to move it and the tone feels like our old critical, unforgiving rivalry. He moves the truck near the edge of a cliff and I see that he doesn't properly set the brake. The truck is still rolling and I get in and try to stop it but can't. I have to jump out and it goes over and crashes. I feel responsible but very quickly explain to my brother how it is his fault. I convince myself it is his fault as I'm telling him but in the need to do so I detect that I'm not sure myself or can't trust that others will see it that way. This culminates in me reminding my brother that our father said that when that truck gives out that's when he will be finished. This becomes greater than any individual blame.

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