Up til now I've been identifying the wish to be both sexes, and specifically the relationship in which there is there is the "everything" person who does the jobs of both man and woman and the "nothing" person who does the jobs of neither and is depressed, as volar.
My thinking has been that it's a defense against the sexual difference that is introduced at that stage. However, I've seen been with a patient who used the phrase "she is my whole world" in this relation and made me realize that it's better classified as auto-erotic.
In contrast, I can mention several volar stage relations.
There is the person who is so possessive and jealous that the other person can't even have a pet they are close to.
There is the relation in which one person is the other's will and commands him or her to do things, but without the commands the person doesn't do anything for the other on his or her own.
The nymphomaniac in which sexuality is felt for men or women in general is volar.
There's also a relation in which a person wants to keep the other person, seemingly as a pet, to be beautiful, be clever, or do something impressive. One works and pays for the other to live.
This is also the stage, as I've mentioned before, in which sexual difference exists and so you have the phenomenon of a man who only has female friends and distrusts other men, or vice versa with women.
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